Yes, you guessed it, they are the drunks. Casinos attract drunks the way flames attract moths, sounds attract bats, and the way prostitutes attract men who are not afraid of venereal disease.

The drunks…the drunks…those unquenchable foul offenders…, who hover over you at the tables; who shout their boozy bad breath up your nose; who make all the good times come to an abrupt halt.

I dislike drunks.

And I really dislike drunks who are loud.

And I hate drunks who are loud and think they are funny when they aren’t.

And I despise drunks who shout their unending idiocies up my nose when I am playing.

And I hate and despise drunks who puke in the casino, or in the elevator, or on the Boardwalk, or outside restaurants or on other players. Thankfully, I only had one such creature puke directly on me but that was twice as much as I needed. Such an event ruins your evening...and your clothes.

I am not opposed to people having a drink or two. How can I be when I do that myself? But like those low-life fools who drive like maniacs on the highways and byways of America, the drunk destroys all the fun of a casino session and makes your casino time a harrowing one.

The young drunks tend to get sick right in the casino. They are like dogs that eat and eat and eat until they explode. The young drunks call puking in public (also known as PIP) "partying." How much fun is it to be so woozy boozy that you disgust everyone who sees you? That’s not my definition of party.

Humor is often a subtle art. But the drunk makes his humor a loud incoherency. And if you don’t laugh uproariously at his jokes then he figures you haven’t heard him so he screams them even louder until people at the table smile and think, "I’m getting out of here."

The triple plays are those drunks who also smoke. The more they drink, the more they smoke. The more they drink and smoke the worse it gets for everyone near or around them. These fools should never be seen by the self-righteous anti-everything advocates because drinking, smoking and gambling are three of the major sins in the eyes of those who are doing the Lord’s work or social work or their own work.

The drunks give casino gamblers a bad name.

But some drunks commit the mortal sin of all sins for card counters. They see you moving your bets around and say something like: "You must be a card counter." The mere fact that they say the taboo words – card counter – at the table; they compound it by talking to you about what you are actually doing. Your response is usually an idiocy: "Uh, I don’t, ahm, think that, uh, card counting, um, works" as you raise your bet in a super high count.

Short of shooting down these UFOs, I guess we are stuck with them. Maybe someday some genius will come up with an anti-drunkard repellent that you can spray in their face and make them go away.

So much for dreaming.

If you wish to contribute your reports or observations, we need to receive them by the 24^th of the month for the next month. Write to: fscobe@optonline.net

Dear Frank and Alene,

Dealer play of the month: I got paid for my blackjack … TWICE. First, I got paid for my blackjack. I left my chips on the table. The dealer proceeded to bust. Then the dealer paid the table, including my BJ for a second time. Think about what this means. $100 gets paid $150 for a BJ. Then the dealer pays all $250 chips the second time around. That’s $400 paid on a $100 bet. Blackjack pays 4 to 1 … got to love it baby!

Here is what I saw this month:

Showboat: H17, 8 decks 75% penetration. Noticed a rule that I had never noticed before. The BJ tables have two table maximum bets. One table limit if you have players card and a lower table limit if you do not have a players cards. Guess they’re weary of players without cards.  Of course, what aren't Harrah's properties paranoid about?

Trump Taj: S17 on tables in front of high limit room. H17 elsewhere. 8 decks. 75% penetration.

Resorts: S17 on tables in front of high limit room. H17 elsewhere. 8 decks except for two 6 deckers in front of high limit room. 75% to 85% penetration.

Claridge / Bally’s / Wild Wild West: H17, 8 decks 75% to 80% penetration.

Caesars: H17, 8 decks 75% penetration.

Trump Plaza: The 6-deck games are back outside the high roller room. The discard trays are for 8 decks but they are using 6. S17 but the penetration is in the 67% to 75% range.

Tropicana: S17, 6 decks outside the high roller room and 8 decks elsewhere, 65% to 80% penetration. As usual this is the most dealer dependant place for penetration.

Hope this helps,

Jon

  
************************************************************************

Want to learn dice control from the masters? Get a copy of our new DVD Golden Touch: Beat Craps by Controlling the Dice! [$299 plus $6 shipping] Call 1-800-944-0406.

************************************************************************

Here are our ratings for December 2009. We thank many of our readers for helping us to stay as updated as possible. There may be some disagreements in ratings among our correspondents but all these reports are based on individuals’ experience. A word to the wise: it’s always best to check out the casinos for yourselves.

BALLY’S PARK PLACE: No change from last issue. Not a premier place any more. No mid-shoe entry in high roller room and on a few of the main $50 tables in casino. Mixed reviews about how deep the penetration is but we found it in the 75 percent area. All 8-deck games except for the high roller room action. The hitting on soft 17 is now a fact all over the place. Crews are friendly. Hotel has declined a lot. Two stars: * *

BORGATA: No change from last issue. The casino where Patricia DeMauro had her spectacular 154-number craps roll. Penetration is around 70 to 75 percent on all games, including the six deckers which still make up most of the casino. Craps has long tables, 14-footers, and very bouncy, and not worth playing unless you like to see dice flying off the tables or gaze upon beautiful cocktail servers ducking out of the way or if you see Patricia DeMauro at the table. Go elsewhere for craps, except for Taj which has mimicked Borgata’s craps tables. This is a happening place and caters to a swinging young crowd. Okay casino for Golden Touch Blackjack. Three stars: * * *

CAESARS: All the tables hitting soft 17 now. Directly across from Caesars is The Pier – a must see attraction in AC with some of the finest restaurants and views. Caesars itself also has excellent restaurants. Cheerful place and worthy of the name it bears. Hotel/casino rating is A. You can expect about 70 percent penetration with most of the dealers. The main floor of eight-deckers has some of the upper-limit tables ($25 and $50) with no mid-shoe entry. All the games in the high roller pit are also no mid-shoe entry with $100 and higher minimums. Six-deck games in high roller room have 75 percent penetration. The craps games here are good with 12-foot tables. The tables are high so smaller controlled shooters should wear their "special shoes." Two stars: * *

CLARIDGE: Penetration is about 70 percent. There are early mornings when no blackjack tables are opened. This place is a training ground for new dealers and often the last roundup for washed up personnel. Two and one half stars: * *

HARRAH’S: Blackjack games aren’t worth the time. One star: *

HILTON: No change from last issue. Wild swings in penetration on blackjack and many more eight-deck games. Penetration getting worse even as you read this. Place is in trouble. The hitting of soft 17 brings this place down a peg as well. Resplitting allowed except aces. High roller room is 6-decks; rest of the casino is 8-decks with a few $25/$50 6-deckers on occasion. No mid-shoe entry on the six-deckers. High table minimums, especially on weekends, a lot of $25 tables, rare $10 tables. Penetration about 70 percent. For craps, we are dealing with 14-foot tables and a couple of 12 footers. Two stars: * *

RESORTS: Going, going, gone. In the lead for the casino that might have to close its doors. Getting a little better with blackjack though. But more tables are hitting soft 17. Decent penetration of 75 percent but some dealers will go to 85 percent. Two and one-half stars: * * ½*

SHOWBOAT: The Showboat should change its name to Titanic. Read Jon’s Report about the new double maximum bet rule. Great rooms; good restaurants and that about sums it up. Blackjack is way below any reasonable standard. One star: *

TROPICANA: It’s S17 for this casino. Usually good penetration; sometimes excellent penetration. Three stars: * * * *

TRUMP MARINA: On blackjack they are hitting soft 17 on main floor, but not in the high roller room. Six-deck games in high roller room and eight-deck games on the main floor have penetration at 80 percent mark, but you won’t find any dealers going much deeper. Games are mostly $15/$25 and up, especially on weekends. No mid-shoe entry on the six-deckers but you can jump in and out on the eight-deckers. Hitting on soft 17. Craps tables are 12-footers with 5X odds and good crews. Two and one half stars: * * ½ *

TRUMP PLAZA: Six-deck games are back outside the high roller room. The penetration is 75 percent. No mid-shoe entry on games outside high-roller pit but you can find $25 (a few) to $50 minimums on these. Allows resplits, except aces. All tables are $10 and higher. Craps tables are 12-footers. Two and one-half stars: * * ½ *

TRUMP TAJ MAHAL: Sic-deck games in front of high roller room. Now they are hitting soft 17 except in $25 or higher games. First they screwed up the craps tables so the dice go flying off the table every third roll and now they have decided to give the blackjack games a wicked colonoscopy with barbed wire. Great hotel and great restaurants and great entertainment. Also, generally great dealers and pit personnel. Too bad it isn’t the place to play any more. Two and one-half stars: * * ½*

WILD, WILD WEST: No change; no gold-rush either. The silver rush is over too. This place is over as well. Seems like more often than not on "off" hours there are no table games in this place. Another Harrah’s wipe out! All eight-deck games with H17 – insane. This is a part of Bally’s Park Place and Harrah’s is looking to sell this complex like a pan of fool’s gold. Penetration is about 75 percent on all games. For craps this is a fun place to play with one 5X odds table and one 2X odds table. I remember when this place had many more tables. Crews are very friendly. One star: *