Some of the baggage claim area backrooms I’ve seen looked and operated like pawnshops. In fact, they would have annual sales. I went walking through one such "sale" and said, "Shit, that looks like my car stereo over there and that’s my pack of gum and those breath mints…, definitely mine! " They came up missing during my last Valet Parking experience when I went to see Eddie Money. Holy crap! Those nude pictures are of my wife that I used to have strapped to the visor of my car or are those someone else’s nude pictures of my wife that they used to have strapped in their car? Since then, I’ve done all my Christmas shopping at the annual Casino Baggage Claim Bargain Basement.

If you think the airlines are bad when it comes to losing your luggage, it becomes very apparent that you’ve never checked into a casino and utilized their fine valet and baggage service. I would rather have my luggage in limbo, lost, and on the way to Bovin-en Akis-Place, Holland than have it opened, pieced out, and up for sale in the casino baggage thrift store. I know some people may disagree with me on this but face it, they’re stupid and I’m not. Besides, I’m you’re only real friend and I used to work in that department.

My advice: Do yourself a big favor and carry your own bags.

I worked as a bellman for one day so I really have no opinion on these stupid, egotistical, chauvinistic pig-type actors that make the simplest of feats/moves seem like an Olympic sporting event, all with their panting and grunting from having to lift your empty Federal Express Envelope. I’ve seen better acting on a can of "Fast Acting Tinactin!" Regardless, if you want that envelope to arrive in one piece, you better tip the S.O.B. that has your stuff on his wheeled cart.

Never forget that your stuff could be accidentally dropped off the cart and stomped on 100-times, then shredded, burned, and the ashes incinerated during the time it takes you to get to your room on the second floor. Life’s a bitch (and yes, in my case I married and then divorced one) but you must carry on you stupid bastard.

And just so you know, they don’t even use the bells anymore. What a rip! They’re not Bellmen at all; they’re more like sissy baby men that share that same genetic dislike for luggage that those Samsonite Gorillas did back in the TV commercials that debuted in the early 80’s. Their scam is that they don’t report their tips or, should I say, that some of them didn’t in the past.

The position of Room Service attendant is one of the best jobs in the industry. I once knew a University Professor that moonlighted as a room service-food delivery boy. "It’s all about the money" he used to say. And, now that I think about it, he was right! This is the only spot in the casino/hotel where a person can get a tip without being on camera and not have to claim it. And then there are the fringe benefits, which include wearing a bow tie, making people wait for hours (so that their food gets cold) before its delivered, committing the ultimate sadistic act of not bringing the correct, if any, condiments such as catsup, steak sauce, mustard, teriyaki sauce etc. That, to food critics, is like playing God. Other than that, the hardest part of this job is pushing a cart to the elevator, taking one of those "I feel like I fell backwards in a chair" rides, and then getting a tip. The elevator ride is like a personal chauffer since these are ‘Service’ elevators and not for public use. They don’t report all their tips. Would you? I heard of one joint that had their room service delivering Girls, Drugs, and anything you could afford. Is it still going on? Ask on your next visit.

From the outside (players) as opposed to an Insider scam. The evil here is that certain dealers know its going on and are patient enough to wait for their chop, be it later that night or next week.

This scam cannot be picked up from surveillance nor can it be touched from the floor. Here’s how it works...